I immediately bought these and so should you*:
*Because they are going to be awesome, not because I am threatening to beat you up or anything.
February 19, 2013
- Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
- Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
- Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
- Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
- Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
- Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
- An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
- A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
- Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
- An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
- A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
- Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
- An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
- Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
- Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
- Apathyologism: You have 2 cows. You do not care.
- Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
- Atheism: You have 2 cows. There is no God.
- A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
- A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
- Russia: You have two cows. Since they are both female, if you happen to keep them in the same stable you will pay a 5,000 rouble fine for homosexual propaganda.
- PETA: You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
- Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England. As you assume the throne, you throw them off a building.
- Hussie: You have 2 cows. You ask for another one. Instead of getting just 1 cow, you get 2,485,506 cows.
- Romney: You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.
- Once-ler: You have 1 cow. Everyone decides to make 5 different versions of that cow.
- Old Spice: You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.
- An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere
- Tumblr: You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
- Also Tumblr: I give you a hamburger.
- Cows: The shit you go through.
- This post: Started off as a post that explained different goverments but then everything changed when the fire nation attacked
February 11, 2013
Liberate yourself from fear of failure. Bad writing is the inevitable first step to good writing, so write and don’t even worry about it.— maureenjohnson (@maureenjohnson) January 20, 2013
Man, I wish I’d had this advice when I was wee. I mean, I was writing - I was writing all the time - but I remember when I was about 12 or so my dad started refusing to read my stuff because he said it was “too melodramatic,” which in retrospect: twelve years old. LIFE is too melodramatic when you’re twelve years old. (I’m pretty sure everyone died at some point. Or at least the parents did. Maybe that was why he didn’t like it…)
It didn’t occur to me (or my father, apparently) that you can write the hell out of that melodramatic first draft and then go back and tone it down to something less soap-opera-ish later. (Or not. There’s a reason people like soaps.)
January 19, 2013
I know you have all been on the edge of your seats wondering how I fared in this year’s NaNoWriMo extravaganza. I am here to share the wonderful news that I FAILED SPECTACULARLY!
It is good news, actually, because what I did get out of it was the bare bones of a new novel. Not the novel I set out to write, mind, but a whole different one. This is somewhat exciting and also a little bit annoying, but I’m cool with it.
I also got a new desk which will soon be home to a Big Cushy Writing Chair where I will undoubtedly churn out several hundred thousand words and also possibly take over the world. (For now, we’re using one of the living room chairs and the cat usually sleeps on it.)
How did YOUR NaNo experience go?
December 5, 2012
Okay, guys: if I can write 4000 words per day for the next 10 days I will TOTALLY FINISH ON TIME.
Want to help MOTIVATE ME? There are ways:
1. Donate to The Office of Letters and Light (the NaNo folks) via my fundraising page. So far I have raised ZERO DOLLARS. Were I to raise, say, more than zero dollars, I might find that I have RENEWED VIGOR.
2. Post ENCOURAGING MESSAGES on my Facebook/G+ page and/or REBLOG THIS POST so that I will feel either SUPPORTED or VAGUELY SHAMED by the number of people who are following along with my NaNo adventures.
3. Share YOUR STORIES of last-minute NaNo successes (or spectacular failures) and send me links!
November 20, 2012